I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
