hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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