I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
