he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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