why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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