Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
