super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
