You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
