She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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