Soap is not a condiment
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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