You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize