Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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