My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
