I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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