hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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