everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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