I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
