two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
