She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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