Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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