apparently the secret to your success is patron
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
