maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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