we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
