i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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