The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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