my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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