Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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