Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
