I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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