Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
