Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
