Girls should come with a carfax report
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You ruined the universe
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
