haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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