if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
