a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
