that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
