Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
