i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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