My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
