so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
that is very illegal...i love you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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