I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
