If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
