batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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