Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
