She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
