hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
