i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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