I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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