Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
