Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
