a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
