You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
