You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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