I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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