What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
