Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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