she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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