Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
