I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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