It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
