i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
