The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
