You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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