i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
