Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
