I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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