I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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