Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
