And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
